Now we see a reflection in a mirror; then we will see face-to-face. Now I know partially, then I will know completely in the same way that I have been completely known. (1 Corinthians 13: 12, CEB)
The truth be told, we don’t know where The United Methodist Church is heading. We don’t know the solution to our dilemmas. When we think we do, we are in danger of repeating old patterns, patterns and solutions that exclude and push people away, destroy trust and have long contributed to the difficulties we face. In other words, our best thinking got us here.
Therefore, a key task of leadership is to challenge the arrogance of our best thinking and to help the people of the church hold space within themselves and the institution for mystery and the joy of not knowing.
Kennetha remembers walking through a park in Manila, Philippines with a friend during a break at a connectional meeting in March. They were talking about the anxiety of not knowing what was going to happen to the church. As they talked, they kept returning to the themes of birth. Kennetha remembered some twenty years ago, during her first pregnancy, that there was a certain joy in not knowing who this new person would be. What would this child’s personality be like? Who and what would this child become? There was joy in the imagining and anticipation of not knowing. There was also a vulnerability and surrender in not knowing or being able to control the course of a life.
Leading into mystery and the joy of not knowing happens in surrender and vulnerability. Being in a place of vulnerability and not knowing opens us up to the mystery of God and deeper discipleship. Such mystery is inherent in discipleship. When we decide to be followers of Jesus, we do not know what Jesus will require of us, where God will lead us or what kinds of transformed disciples we will become. Surely Peter experienced as much. In John 21, after Jesus had interrogated Peter about his love, and just after Jesus had called Peter to a discipleship of service—feed my lambs. Take care of my sheep. Feed my sheep—after all of this, Jesus described to Peter what answering the call to discipleship really looked like. Jesus described discipleship as mystery, as surrender, as going vulnerably into a place you do not want to go.
I assure you that when you were younger you tied your own belt and walked around wherever you wanted. When you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will tie your belt and lead you where you don’t want to go. He said this to show the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. After saying this, Jesus said to Peter, “Follow Me.” (John 21: 18-19, CEB)
As we go forward as a denomination into uncertain and difficult times, God is calling us to hold space within ourselves for the miracle of resurrection. If we are able to hold that space, we will grow in our comfort with not knowing. We will listen more than we talk and watch to see what the Spirit of God is doing as God stirs the waters. We will reconnect to purpose by holding space for our first love expressed in remembrance of call and in service to others. We will hold space for loss by finding within ourselves greater courage for surrender and vulnerability and by walking with others through our valleys of grief. We will hold space for the woundedness of our church and the world by giving voice to and listening to the grief and anger of others, by being willing to be vulnerable and to use this time to grow relationships with those whom we have wounded and by whom we have been wounded.
If we are able to hold such space, we can move forward. We can enter fully into resurrection—resurrection that is happening all the time and everywhere. This is also the mystery. Everything from the stars to atoms to the church is unstable, diversifies, interacts and returns in a new form. It’s all resurrection. It's all saying, “It looks like this, but wait a while and it really looks like that.” It's all moving toward a complexity that we call Spirit—the ultimate complexity where everyone and everything belongs, which we call God. In this intense, focused, leadership moment, will we dare to enter into that complexity?
Rev. Kennetha J. Bigham-Tsai is the Chief Connectional Ministries Officer of the Connectional Table.
Eric Martin specializes in leadership development and systems change with Adaptive Change Advisors. His recent work draws on the Adaptive Leadership framework developed by Harvard faculty Drs. Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky.